One of the best things we can do for ourselves is understand why it is we do what we do. Asking ourselves questions like “ why did you say that”, “ what makes you feel like that”, “ why did you do that .” If we go through our journey and never ask ourselves those questions we won’t get them answered. If we never go to God and ask Him to show us why we are the way that we are, we won’t know! He might show us but we won’t see the impacts and act on making changes.
Today, I realized that I was holding on to self disappointment that was preventing me from going before God with my heart. I struggled because I didn’t handle what God gave me the way He wanted me to! I felt ashamed and instead of talking to God about it I internalized the shame and hid. Just like Adam and Eve, hiding in the garden as if God didn’t see them. Accepting that I made a mistake and repenting wasn’t enough for me. Writing that sounds so stupid, like “Girl that’s all God asks of you.” But nonetheless I couldn’t let it go because I really felt like I let God down.
A couple of nights ago I was having an internal conversation with God.. This is how it went:
Me: God I’m sorry. I let you down
GOD: I knew it was going to happen. Now Let’s work on it.
I can’t remember exactly how I felt that night but I was relieved. In the sense, I knew that I messed up but God wants to work on me so that it doesn’t happen again. That’s all He wants! Isn’t that what becoming like Christ is about….. God knows we aren’t perfect but He wants access to our imperfection so that we can grow in Him. I was so caught up in my mistake that I didn’t see God’s grace. Even after He said “Let’s work on it.” I kept feeling like I messed up, I let this happen, I shouldn’t have done that… It was all about me… at the end of the day my own pride was preventing me from accepting God’s grace and forgiveness! So once again my friends just want to encourage you :
Don’t hold on to what God wants to work out of you.. Let it go!N. Crumbie
Yes you’ve made mistakes, repent, get up and move forward! The enemy wants to destroy you, don’t let him. God’s grace is sufficient and readily available, take hold of it!
“Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God [set aside self-righteous pride], so that He may exalt you [to a place of honor in His service] at the appropriate time, casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully].
After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace [who imparts His blessing and favor], who called you to His own eternal glory in Christ, will Himself complete, confirm, strengthen, and establish you [making you what you ought to be].”
1 PETER 5:6-7, 10 AMP
Love you with the love of Christ!